welcome to my world, bitch :)
feel free to read, tag, comment, whatever. :)
i know you love me :)
♥ ♥ ♥
welcome to my world, bitch :)
feel free to read, tag, comment, whatever. :)
i know you love me :)
♥ ♥ ♥
the world calls me. and i fear that i am far too involved with it.
7:40 AM
right now i am supposed to review for my biodiversity and environmental chem exams tomorrow, and i have been reviewing and im just taking a break. please God, dont let tai see this post..
i miss tai. there, ive said it. its been what, exactly 8 months of denial that were not together anymore and that you're with her. call me pathetic, stupid, and whatever you want. but god, i still feel the same for tai.=( its still tai i want to be with forever, still tai i want to hug when i feel that the world just crashed on me, still tai i want to share my dreams with, its still tai i want to grow old with.=( i know this sounds too late, it was my fault and i know that. and that just makes all the pain harder to bear cos i know that if i had been appreciative of tai's efforts we wouldnt have parted off the way we had.
the love we had was enough to last me a hundred lifetimes
tai is just so special. we havent talked seriously since we split up, we talked a couple of times but then they were just so awkward. tai taught me so much in life. like being thankful for the simple things, coz those simple things are usually the best, tai taught me to be strong from when we were together and a lot of people were against it until now that were not together anymore. tai taught me how to love genuinely. tai taught me how to love with everything i am, no ifs, no buts. tai taught me to love in the real sense of the word.
i always thought that tai didnt deserve me, that i was better off without tai coz he wasnt there on my birthday, he wasnt there on my grad, he had crush on kriztin, he didnt do this, he didnt do that. it seems that he has failed me a lot of times but in reality, he never had. tai was the best person ive ever known. despite the "important" days he wasnt there, he made up for it every single day that we were together. its like when i want to get mad at him for not being there, i couldnt coz deep in my heart i know he did his best. by the look in his eyes and the touch of his hand i know he never meant to hurt me.
im sorry that i chose to be with you because of the wrong reasons. im sorry i never appreciated the things you did. im sorry i had little time for you when i got into college. im sorry i got mad at the simplest of things even if deep down i really wasnt. im sorry i doubted you one time too many. im sorry i wasnt the best mai for you.. but most of all, im sorry i cant let you know that i still am in the same place where you left me. im sorry i cant let you know that i am still waiting for you to come back. im sorry i cant let you know that i still am the same person you loved and left. im sorry i cant let you know all these because i choose not to ruin your happiness. im sorry. im sorry. im sorry.
♥XOXO♥
11:06 PM
after what seemed to be forever, my laptop is now fixed.=) haha. God, its so old that its made of rocks and the keyboard is a slate and you get a chisel for a stylus. haha. cool.=) sad thing though, i might hafta say byebye to my pc.=( ima give it to my brother coz he plays his fucking games all the time in my pc anyway. hehe.=) ima miss this pc though. i bought this with my money, well, kinda. since i decided not to go to seattle last summer, i decided to just throw a graduation and birthday party which was well, a whole lot grander than i expected. and i bought this pc.=) hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.i just hope my brother takes care of tata (my pc's name coz the monitor's brand is vista). more fucking years and screw-ups to me and my laptop, baba.=)
10:00 PM
hmmmm. more and more people are becoming losers as days pass.for the record, i soooooooooo do not want to take YOUR boyfriend from you. if i did, i wouldve answered him the first time he courted me. sorry to burst your bubble, but no. he's all yours.
my mom's leaving on april2,and dad on april8. i dont know why dad doesnt want to pass by l.a. and vegas so he can leave with mom on april2. ima go to bora on april11!! coolnesssssssssssss.=) no 'rents! whahahahaha. no oldies too, just my kuya and his friends, and (crossing fingers) mimi, ate april, and sugar!!.. wo0ho0!!=) sand, sun, and shells here i come!!=)
6:03 AM
i miss blogging. like i havent blogged in ages. and yeah, "like" is the operative word here. so anyway, sunday i (like almost everyone), watched manny's game. its okay even if he lost, i mean, heck, he still made filipinos proud. seeing him still fighting that morales/z dude with a bad cut made me love him. too bad he's married. err, he is right? haha.
5:56 AM
a few more weeks and were off to dreamland--err, vacation. i know its cliche, but time really goes fast. well, for the past year it did. being in college hasnt even sunk in yet and in a few weeks freshman year is over! dude, up manila is hard. yeah, i didnt really attend all my classes and i didnt really take freshman year seriously and yet ive gone bonkers. haha, still cool though. but i still am a paulinian at heart. definitely. being an iska is just like an extension of who i am, but a paulinian is and will always be who i am. i miss tipol. really. seriously. its not coz i dont visit that often anymore, (im too lazy to), i guess its more of the atmosphere in tipol. i mean, put tipol in timbuktu with the same people, same programs, same routines, hell it would still be st paul.=) okay, so the following are what i miss in tipol:
5:22 AM
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder Antisocial Personality Disorder Schizophrenia Unipolar Depression Borderline Personality Disorder Eating Disorders
10:07 PM
its been a week since my birthday and it hasnt sunk in yet. maybe its coz i spent 3/4 or so of my birthday somewhere in rizal. and although i am nice, interviewing fisherfolk in a place so far from my house with an asshole for a prof wasnt what i had in mind. the food was great though, thanks to daddy dale and mommy elvie! hehe. coolness.=) or maybe it was just coz we waited forever to eat. haha, kidding. really, the food was great.=) it was really fun to be with some of my blockmates coz we sorta bonded over food. haha, issues here and there.=P paolo and i were listening to my phone's radio while playing mario with kittin's phone. haha, it was cool coz we were really into it. the breeze was sooooooooooo nice.=) haha, i thought mama ivy was having too much fun with the kids there to want to go home. hmm.. wha'else.. oh, when we left the place to wait for a ride to pasig, our fucking professor went ahead. yeah, fucking jerkwad. he didnt even say anything, he just walked in front of us, rode a jeep, and LEFT. mothershitter. haha. we havent recovered from his jerkness when we rode a jeep, took pictures, made kwento about everything, and got hit. and man, it was wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy hard. the jeep we were in was going really fast when the jeep in front of ours suddenly stopped. it was well, WOW. robert was in front so we were happy so see him still alive. haha. we still managed to get to pasig in one piece though.=) rode the mrt to taft where my kuya picked us up. party time!=) it was fun, eiz, bianx, anna, and angge were already here when we (me, mawi, miko, jen, ivy, rudz, diane) got here.. then neean, ishy, china, pam, mimz came too.=) it was fun fun fun!=) my blockmates went home earlier than the others cos they come marikina, makati, pasay, laguna, and cavite. ate joyce, kuya armand, and kuya dindo went here too, pero late na. ooohhh, my brothers surprised me!=) coz i called my tita ganda to ask if they were coming, she said they werent gonna come anymore coz they were all tired. and that sucked coz i really wanted them to be here. when me and my hs friends were eating (again), my kuya mark blindfolfed me and said they had a surprise for me. i was hoping it was my bestfriend-rei. haha. asa pa?! then someone came in and kissed me, when i took the blindfold off, it was paopao, my baby cousin!!=) it was so fun.=) it wasnt as grand as my last year's party, and for sure its nothing compared to my party next year, but it was perfect.=) not everyone came but everyone else's presence made up for their absence. haha.=) btw, three songs have been playing incessantly in my head--> prinsesa (teeth), burnout (sugarfree), and mata (mojofly). waaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh. i will marry the person who would sing prinsesa for me on my debut. haha, and lucky for me i already know who that person is.=) haha. just to make things clear, i am so NOT in love with anyone right now!!!=D yes, i love bez, tai, and whoever just as i love everyone else!=) why love just one person when you can love everyone?! haha, nonsense.=S ohkay, i really hafta go now.. im writing my kuya mark's thesis, can you fucking believe i actually agreed to do it?!!? now im toast.
1:54 AM
of wall climbing and multi colored band-aids
8:59 AM
i just got back from rowi's debut.. it was nice..=) i wasnt supposed to go coz i had tons of schoolwork to do but maybe God really wanted me to be there.. for one reason or another.=) im so happy i did tho, coz i really had fun with my hs batchm8s..=) haha, we made fun of a lot of people..+D so anyway, rowi's debut made me think about my own debut.. so far, the plan is to have it at westin philippine plaza, my gowns would be made by frederic peralta in lavander and pink, of course, with my younger brother-matthew as my escort.. hay. ive one wish for my debut. please. someone grant it. i want someone to play prinsesa by teeth for me for now tho, ive to review for an exam..sucks. oh well. btw, CONGRATS ISKOLAR STUDENT ALLIANCE FOR THE USC VICTORY!!!=)
5:18 AM
things that will make me happy on my bday::
7:53 AM
for the past few days ive been three things:: depressed, agitated, and exhausted. im depressed because were disqualified, agitated because one of my college friends was one of those who decided our disqualification but didnt even bother to talk to me, to even console me, on the contrary, after i asked my blockmates to sign the petition, after i delivered a speech on how our candidacy lies on their hands, and after i left the room, she apparently told them a different story. we at iskolar never said we didnt do anything wrong. we admit that we submitted late and we are sorry for that. we are trying to make up for things and she's ruining it for us. she already disqualified us, what more does she want?i never asked for her support because her allegiance is to the other party, and although she WAS a friend, i didnt even ask her to vote for me because we have different views on issues on the university and the nation as well. moreover, i am agitated because we appealed and got turned down thrice. and with every revision of our appeal letter, we toned it from what they were asking. but NO. and so we were left with the signature campaign which we readily did, only for HER to do that. so her + black prop + purokhay (dunno the spelling) + onganos + watiwat = HELL. whats even more agitating is the members from the other party greeting me, calling me by my name, EVEN SMILING, only to say things behind my back. i have friends and classmates who are in the other party but we were always true, for me at least. i have a classmate who is a hardcore supporter of AK but we still talk and its because of RESPECT. i respect her ideologies and i believe that she respects mine, too. and yes, i do bash a lot of their members and it wasnt because i only felt like it. yes, i am bratty but it would take a lot to irritate me. i shut up for as long as i can but when ive reached the threshold i will inexorably and unreservedly say what i want. oh please, SHE should be thankful im not bashing her. and i wont. lastly, i am exhausted. as ive told a lot of people, and written oh-so-many-times, i am emotionally, mentally, and physically drained. add reaction papers that i owe mam gutierrez (i think i still lack 5), kom II term paper, catching up on philo class, and the report for natsci5 (which i had just finished printing *thank God*, but havent done a visual aid for yet).. still, i am thankful for a lot of things.. this was truly an experience i would never forget,but i wouldnt want to go through all of it again.. its too much for me. the juice was still so worth the squeeze. so anyway, imma say thanks to a lot of people..
Saturday, March 26, 2005
♥XOXO♥
Friday, March 25, 2005
God. how more pathetic can people get.friendster bulletins?????wtf man. get my number and call me. or go to up manila and talk to me there. or go meet me somewhere. no, wait, you cant do that coz you're stupid,right? i mean, wrong grammar? honey, there isnt anything wrong with speaking in filipino. no use trying hard to speak in english when you say it wrong anyway.♥XOXO♥
♥XOXO♥
ima miss my mom though. and my too, of course.=(♥XOXO♥
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
monday night i went to eastwood for kat's party which was really really really fun. i got to talk to a lot of my hs friends again.=) and we drank.. err, a lot. it was cool though. haha. mimz and i got there a few past 7. and nobody was there yet. fucker. we had no choice, we had to leave ortigas early or nobody would bring us there. and for that i won an award, thanks kat!=P when it was my turn to speak (i was first for the 18 memories), i think i was slurring and talking nonsense already, i was already a bit tipsy then. oh yeah, anna, china, and i sang this song that kat sang when she was 5 (i think).and i had to drink a lot to do that. haha, it was fun. really really really fun.=) mimz, karen, and i went to starbucks to buy coffee, a brownie, and chicken clubhouse (my other addiction). i had to buy something with caffeine to replace the alcohol in my system. haha, i dont know with other people but it works for me.=) my kuya picked me up at around 1:30 or so and we brought karen and kat home. we got home at i think 2:30.
i took a shower and did my paperS until 5:30, took a bath, dressed up, waited for the driver, went to school, did GREAT in the natsci presentation, redid my kom2 paper coz i forgot to save it in my diskette, took my kom2 exam barely awake, finished my note&bibliocards for kom2, talked to HIM 2x =), then left for rob where i was gonna meet mom.
i met up with my mom at wendy's, brought my things to the car, met up again with mom at starbucks. she was with her college bestfriend. i had mocha frap and ham and something in whole grain in lieu of the usual chicken clubhouse. i was so sleepy i think i fell asleep for a minute or two while my mom's college bestfriend was talking. we went to smart where tita malou was gonna inquire about something, then left for palmarco (my dad's corp. in malate) to pick up my kuya mark. we went to don galo to visit nanay, got to sleep for an hour or so, went home. got home 7-ish, washed up, went to sleep until past 10 this morning.=)♥XOXO♥
Saturday, March 19, 2005
1. cr breaks- yup. before and after class people would literally crowd the cr. la lang, prolly didnt want to stay in the classrooms.hehe.=P
2. intrams and st pauls day- lalo na ung last st pauls day when i threw water balloons and got wet all over with my friends. haha. we were running around the campus. plus, my blue bra was obvious with my wet shirt. sexy?! haha. i wish.
3. classrooms- and i mean real classrooms. places where you can stay and sleep and hang out, play cards, eat, play 10-20, jackstone, err, whatever without the fucking worrying if the next class is already waiting to use the room.
4. my friends- okay, just to avoid any misunderstandings, this list is done randomly. so anyway, i miss my girlfriends!!=) i miss having people to hug and kiss every morning.=)
5. the quad and psuedo-luneta park- i miss running, playing tag, pretend-models, playing kid games and just walking around luneta park. haha. sooooooooo cool.
6. the teachers- the teachers from tipol, no matter how weird, alien-ish, and distant some may be are definitely the coolest teachers on earth!=)
7. psych spec class- mrs. david, egg babies, jokes, filmmaking, mrs david's stories, just everything and everyone in it.=)
8. concerts!!- whether in and out of tipol as long as im with tipol people.=)
9. flag cems- duh, can you say tiring and long? haha. and fun, of course.+)
10. swimming class- haha, definitely one of the best classes we had in tipol. an oversized excuse for an instructor with yaya-looking assistants.
11. the classrooms, the canteen, THE lab, all computer labs, music room, corridors, imc, viewing room, mph, gym, all science labs, all of tipol!!!!!!!!!!!!
12. the horror stories- about the 2 mumus in my senior classroom, "anus" in my junior room, mumus in my sophie yr corridor, and gayle in my freshie classroom, and the gym and mph mumus too!=D
13. everyone, from the nuns, to teachers, to kuya juvani, to ate girlie, to just about everyone!!!!!!!!=)
14. EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE IN ST. PAUL.=D♥XOXO♥
Friday, March 18, 2005
You scored as Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. Congratulations! You are obsessive-compulsive! You know nothing curbs images of mutilating your mother like a good counting/checking/washing ritual... wait, DID you forget to turn off the stove??? 92% 67% 42% 33% 25% 8%
Which mental disorder do you have?
created with QuizFarm.com♥XOXO♥
Friday, March 11, 2005
♥XOXO♥
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
yellow, red, and blue.
i got them when i was through.
with betadine and tears,
i faced my fear.
the fourth spot was easier,
that i can attest.
the 2nd spot was harder.
i failed to be the best.
the belayers were evil
they wanted me to continue
just pass the red line
and so i did.
it wasnt enough,
my prof wanted more
god, he probably wants
wounds, bruises, and scratches galore.
but ive had enough
three wounds is too much
i quit and cried
cried til my eyes dried out.
ohkay, first, this poem isnt figurative. i went wall climbing at rockwell for our p.e. class this morning. i have this intense fear of heights, and when i get scared, i hyperventilate. so i finished my first try fast, no looking down for me then. but stupid me wanted to get things over right away so i went ahead with my 2nd try without resting so much, and i had to try the hard one. yeah, fucking shit. god, i probably spent 10 minutes or so and i couldnt get out of where i was.. i was crying already coz i could see the ground but i cant quit coz my grade relies on that.. so, i kept on trying and the fucking belayer kept on scaring me that i could always retake p.e..so i really didnt want to quit, until i really couldnt breathe anymore. so when i got down i sat down and cried. really cried. i was hyperventilating, i really couldnt breathe, i got even more afraid coz i had a minor asthma attack. AND i noticed i had 3 wounds, 2 on my left hand, and one on the right. but the one on the right was really bad. so my friends were making me calm down but i really couldnt and my prof just had to come near me and ask me if i needed help. i told him off, asshole. at that point in time i really wanted to hang him from the top with the rope. i had to call my mom coz i really couldnt breathe anymore and my arms were numb and when i got to talk to her, she wanted to come and scream at my prof for making me do too much. but i told that id just take a taxi and meet her at market2.. coz its still partly my fault coz i didnt tell my prof i had asthma. but still, he didnt have to threaten me with retaking his fucking class. so there. i cried and cried and cried. and yeah, my arms still hurt and my fingers are still sore.
♥XOXO♥
Sunday, March 06, 2005
and i want that someone to be special to me, like my kuya even if his singing sucks, or a close friend, or even my bestfriend perhaps.. haha, *hint hint*..oh, and for my 18 roses, id pick a song for each of them which would somehow describe what i have with that person.. like for my bestfriend for example, id choose in a rush or til they take my heart away.. whichever.=) basta, im really excited.=) ive been planning for my debut ever since and well, i guess i also fear that that day wont be as special or as beautiful or as perfect as ive always imagined it to be. oh well, ive one year yet to make it as perfect as possible.♥XOXO♥
Friday, March 04, 2005
1. emails, letters, msgs, smss from anyone.=)
2. gonuts donuts
3. a hug from someone i havent seen in a while.
4. a nice surprise
5. failure of elections
6. iskolar's victory
7. tai
8. mr. braces.=P
9. a good book
10. my name on the ballot
11. power to turn back time
12. twister fries + mcfloat
13. anything purple
14. PURPLE CARE BEAR FROM SOMEONE...=D
15. more porcelain dolls.=D
16. campaign center
17. gonuts donuts + pizza + refcake + blackforest + friends = bday party ΓΌ
18. SHUN..=D
19. concert tickets
actually, kulang pa yan.. gsto ko lang 19 sya..=D pro seriously, i dont need all those things to make my birthday special.. i just want everyone i love to be there..=) to those whove already greeted me, lotsa thanks.. and to those who havent yet, well, you still have tomorrow to greet me.=) thanks thanks thanks to everyone.=) God has been so good to me.=)
♥XOXO♥
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
ISKOLAR (slates, cms, supporters, machinery, etc) -->we are strong. thanks for making me a better, stronger, and braver person than i was a month or so ago.=)
ANGGE, RUTHIE, BORO, BIANX, EDS, EIZ, JONA, ARLENE, JUDEE --> guys, youre one of the reasons why im pushing myself further to the limit.. i dont want to let you guys down.. believe or not, you guys have been one of my sources of strength throughout the campaign.. thanks thanks thanks. although not all of you could have voted for me, the support itself is priceless. thanks.=)
CHINA, MIMZ, GN, BRIJ, ANNA -->outside supporters. cool. lipat na kasi ng faura or p. gil!=D
GOD--> 'nuff said. lahat lahat na. alam ko may dahilan ang lahat ng 'to. alam ko may mas malaki at mabuti ka pang plano para sa akin at sa nakakarami. Lord, i lift to you all the pain in me, everything im doing is for Your greater glory Lord. I know there's a reason for all of this and i accept everything You're giving me, no questions asked Lord. You didnt give me to iskolar to be of help. On the contrary, it, along with the experience, trials, and predicaments, was given to me. You gave them to me Lord, to strengthen me, for me to appreciate even more life's blessings-->my friends and family. Lord this is all for You. only for Your greater glory.=) thank You.
♥XOXO♥